Early morning musings of a highly emotive pregnant lady..

I woke up this morning when Kenny left for work, and my head was full of stuff that I really needed to write down. Thankfully, as it is 5:30 and I don't want to actually get out of bed yet, I can use the blogger app on my phone. I'm also trying to teach myself to type with my thumbs, but I keep going back to the index finger! I feel like a big geek since I can't type on my phone with my thumbs, but I think I just need to accept that about myself and move on.

I have been so emotional lately. For instance, I was crying..a lot..at the end of Dirty Dancing when I watched it this weekend. I've watched that movie 100+ times and have never cried at the end. And poor Kenny..sometimes I will just be so pissed off, and he's like, "what's wrong? What did I do?" Most of the time he is innocent, and I'm just mad for really no reason that I can think of. It's just like all these emotions that I normally keep under wraps are just all breaking free now, which I know is due to the pregnancy hormones. I like having control of my emotions, so this is a difficult thing for me, but I'm learning that it's not so bad. Feeling all of those things and actually expressing them is very cathartic. I'm discovering that pregnancy really puts you out of your comfort zone in many ways, but being outside of your comfort zone is a very good thing for personal growth.

One of the things that I have been thinking about for a long time, way before I became pregnant, is how I wish pregnant women wouldn't complain about their symptoms so much on Facebook. It is incredibly difficult to want to be pregnant and not be able to get that way. Very, very difficult. What makes it even worse is when you see people complaining about their pregnancies. Especially the ones that tried for a month and then conceived. I understand that the symptoms are not always pleasant, to say the least, but at least you get to have the symptoms. So many thousands of women are desperate to have those symptoms. I know this because I have been one of them. Kenny and I dealt with infertility for just a couple of years..for some couples, it's way longer and much more painful (and expensive)!

Despite the anxiety that I feel, which is a lot, since I'm an anxious sort of person anyhow, I try to thank God every chance I get for this pregnancy. I know how much of a blessing it is, and I'm so in awe of this little life growing inside of me. We have our ultrasound next week, and I can hardly wait. The last time we saw the baby, he or she looked like a little gummy bear..that was 10 weeks ago. I don't care if it's a girl or a boy in there, I just pray that he or she will be healthy. And then I pray for the strength to handle it if something isn't right. We didn't do any of the first trimester testing that they offer, since we were going to continue on with the pregnancy regardless of what the results were. I don't judge those who choose otherwise..it's a very personal decision that is between the parents and God. Anyhow, we know that the baby has a strong heartbeat, and I'm starting to feel some movement..which has been amazing :) I'm just so excited to see our little one again!

I also want to say how truly touched I was by all the people who have offered us congratulations and well wishes for the pregnancy. I have been especially moved by the sweet messages I've received from people that I haven't talked to in years. I cherish their kindness, I really do. I also have some amazing friends and family that have been so supportive and encouraging for so long now..if only everyone could be as blessed as I have been with their support network, the world would be a better place :) ok, well, that's all..for now!

ah l'amour...

Happy Valentine's Day from us to you :) This our 9th Valentine's Day together..where has the time gone?? Kenny and I met in the fabulous Keeneland Hall at UK in December of 2002 and have not looked back since. Things have definitely changed a lot for both of us through the years, and we've grown into the people that we are now. We were so young when we met, but our relationship has grown and changed along with us. We've been through job changes, college changes, graduate school, numerous moves, losing grandparents, and a long deployment (to name the major things). We've been through life together. I just can't get over how blessed I am to have met Kenny when I did..it was truly meant to be, in my eyes. I can't wait to see where our love will take us in the coming years :) It's pretty special when someone can embrace your inner weirdo and love you even more for it. This picture represents that for me. Sending lots of love out to our friends and family today! May you all be surrounded by and feel love in one of its many forms! Love, E

When it rains it..well, you know..

The last few days have been kind of rough for me. I am trying really hard to stay positive, but that is hard sometimes when there are so many things going on at once that I'm not happy about. Firstly, my grandpa almost didn't make it through the weekend, but I guess he's going to be ok now that they've put a pacemaker in to help his heart. I have been worried about him, but I know that he is 87, so I hope, but don't expect him to be around for too much longer. It has been really hard for me, though, to not be at home and helping my mom during this time, because I know this has been really difficult for her. I hate the feeling of not being able to do anything when I know that someone that I love is in need of help. And until a few days ago, I was missing Kenny, but it was bearable. With Thanksgiving coming up, though, I can hardly stand the fact that he isn't here and that I'm alone here without him. We have spent the last 2 Thanksgivings here in Texas, and though it was sad not being with our families, it was ok because we were together. I just have to keep telling myself, "you can do this, you can do this," because sometimes I need that reminder when it feels like the pain of his absence is going to suffocate me. I am very blessed to have some great friends who have very graciously invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner, and I don't know what I'd do without them and the rest of my Army family. I just hope I can hold it together all day and not burst into tears any time I think of Kenny. I've decided that I am going to spend a few weeks in Kentucky for Christmas this year. At least then I will be around my family, and that will help a lot if I start feeling depressed. It is so funny how I can go along like I'm doing ok, but as soon as I talk to my mom, there is no way to stop the tears from flowing!

I would probably be handling all this better, though, if it weren't for the fact that I've come down with a virus of some kind that is pretty much the flu. I haven't felt this sick in a long time, and I hate it. I start reading about my symptoms online, too, and then I think I'm probably dying, which causes me to have an almost panic attack at the doctor's office today. I guess you could say that I'm a mess right now, emotionally and physically, but that I know things will get better with time. Well, that is all for now. Hopefully my next post will be a happier one. Hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful Thanksgiving, and remember, even if your family annoys you, it is still a blessing if you can be with them for the holiday! Take care everyone, E

Elizabeth gets serious...

Well, this has been a bad week for some of those nearest and dearest to me back in Kentucky. First, my grandpa Vic fell and broke both of his legs and has to have surgery on Thursday. He is 86, so the recovery is going to be pretty difficult to say the least. I think we all knew it was only a matter of time before he fell and was injured, since he is very frail and unsteady on his feet. I'm praying that he comes out of surgery ok, and for strength for my mom and her sisters. It is so awful to watch 2 of my grandparents fall apart physically and mentally. I'm blessed to have them still, but it is definitely hard to know that they are suffering. Thankfully my other 2 grandparents are still doing ok.

I also found out this morning that my very dear friend's husband was injured while on the job, and his recovery is going to be long, and I would assume, painful. It is definitely my worst nightmare to get news that Kenny has been hurt, so it makes me feel literally sick that this has happened, because I can imagine how she must be feeling.

And, though I really didn't need another reason to be upset, I was watching the Today Show, and they had "The Sound of Music" cast singing one of the songs from the movie. It was so sad, b/c everyone was singing except Julie Andrews, who can't sing anymore. She was kind of directing the rest of the group and mouthing the words. So heartbreaking! She had such a beautiful voice...it is a small kind of tragedy that she can no longer sing.

I find myself asking over and over again why there is so much suffering in the world, but I don't think I'll ever get an answer that I'm satisfied with. It just doesn't make sense to me, and it is a major issue that I have with God. So I think the best thing to do is to try to focus on the good things that still surround us, because there are always good things. For instance, the last couple nights that I have walked the dogs, the sunset has been so gorgeous, it all I can do not to start crying like the guy from "American Beauty" filming the plastic bag blowing around in the wind, because of the beauty that is all around us. And there is always love, which I am more thankful for than anything. E

Another trip to the commissary and my thoughts on The Hunger Games

So I once again had a very interesting shopping experience at the commissary. This little boy in need of some serious behavior therapy was running up and down the isles, and his parents, in need of some serious parental training, were saying "come here, little Delorian" (probably big fans of Back to the Future), but they weren't grabbing him and making him stay put. This sort of thing drives me insane! Anyhow, they were extremely loud, so it was almost as if they were asking for someone to step in and help..I was very tempted, but I didn't intervene. A few minutes later, I see the little boy in the shopping cart, and he is crying. His mom is practically yelling, "well you can't blame me, Delorain! It is your own fault that you got hurt!" Then he says something like, "but I don't want to be in time out!" and then the mom says...this is the best/worst part, "you aren't in time out...you are in the cart b/c I ran you over with it!" WTF?!! Some people should never, ever, be allowed to have children, in my humble opinion.

Also, just wanted to say a few things about The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I just finished the 3rd book today, and it was great. The whole series is extremely well-written, suspenseful, and intense...and also very violent. I'm not sure if I'll be able to read it again any time soon; it seems so real, even though it is set in the future, and our country is pretty much unrecognizable as the United States that we all know and love. I have heard a lot of comparisons between this series and the Twilight series, and besides the main character being an adolescent female in both series, I don't see many similarities. I know Stephenie Meyer gets criticized often for her writing style, but I have yet to find a series of books that I absolutely cannot put down (to the point of crazed reading through the night when I had a final the next day). I can't wait to see the movie version of The Hunger Games, though, which I think is in pre-production now. I think it is going to be huge, but I'm not sure if it will reach Twilight fame. I think most girls and women can relate to Bella Swan in ways that they probably can't to Katniss Everdeen. Plus, besides Mr. Darcy, there isn't a better fictional male character than Edward Cullen :) I would highly recommend reading The Hunger Games series, though...it is truly fantastic story telling, and I'm still thinking about the ending.

I'm going to start re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows tonight so that I can be ready for the movie next week! I've lost count of how many times that I've read this one, but I won't forget the first time...I stayed up so late reading it, even though Kenny and I had pre-marital counseling the next day at 8AM. Sometimes my lack of self-control when it comes to being able to put down a book is verging on the ridiculous! I'm going to the midnight showing of the movie, though, and I'm so excited! I'm so lucky to have a friend who loves the books as much as I do and wants to go that late. I really miss Kenny, as I do every day, most of the day, but I know he would like to go to the HP movie, and I hate that he's missing it. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days...it always makes my day better when I get to talk to him. I'm very blessed in so many ways, including having such a great guy for a husband and best friend. I miss him so much! I hope that May 1st comes up very quickly this year..that is the date he is suppposed to start his R&R. The last couple months have absolutely flown by, so hopefully the rest of year will as well. E

Believe it or not...

..I'm passionate about something other than Twilight, Rob Pattinson, and beauty products. Even though I do tend to daydream a little, or a lot, at times, I still have so many things going on in the here and now that I really love and care about. One of those things is my husband, who will be leaving for airborne school Thursday and will be gone for 3 weeks. I am going to be so lonely without him, and I will miss him terribly. It is nothing compared to a deployment, but I'm still not looking forward to it. He is my best friend, and I just don't feel complete unless I get to see him every day. Thankfully, though, I have some wonderful friends here who are always great company, and my mom is coming during her spring break, which is only a couple weeks away. I am really looking forward to seeing her and spending time with her since I miss her tons.

I'm also passionate about my chosen profession, which is counseling, and the way that it enables me to help people who are hurting or confused or angry or various other things. I want to get better and better every day as a therapist, just as I want to grow every day as a person. I watched a documentary tonight on PBS about 4 teenagers who were all learning how to deal with being blind, and it was so moving seeing how much they had to deal with and still did not give up. I would love to work with people with special needs someday, and their families, too. The Army has this Exceptional Family Members Program, and I think it would be so cool to be a counselor for them. I was truly blessed to have the chance to work with the kidos at ACI; even though that job was both mentally and physically exhausting at times, it taught me so much about Autism, behavior, and working with children who see the world a little differently. My mom, since I said that I wanted to be a therapist, has encouraged me to work with kids with special needs and their families; I think she knew that after growing up around people with special needs (my cousin has CP and my grandma has been in a wheel chair for most of my life), I could really understand what these families go through when they find out that their child is not going to be what they had always imagined. It doesn't mean that they still can't have a wonderful life, but it is just going to be a lot different than they originally planned.

Anyhow, just a few thoughts I felt like writing about.

In my dream world...

Was thinking about this today on the way to Cedar Crest (takes about 30 minutes to get there, so I have lots of time to think). In my dream world, Robert Pattinson would somehow discover I exist, and fly to Ft. Hood to ask me to marry him. I would tell him that I was already married, but that I would hope that we could be friends. He would say ok to this, even though it would cause him pain to just be friends with me. haha This is what happens when I have too much time to think.

I am really lucky to have such a wonderful husband who puts up with all of my ridiculous fantasies. He is so gentle and so funny. I can't wait to see how much our future children will be like him : )