Monday, November 22, 2010

When it rains it..well, you know..

The last few days have been kind of rough for me. I am trying really hard to stay positive, but that is hard sometimes when there are so many things going on at once that I'm not happy about. Firstly, my grandpa almost didn't make it through the weekend, but I guess he's going to be ok now that they've put a pacemaker in to help his heart. I have been worried about him, but I know that he is 87, so I hope, but don't expect him to be around for too much longer. It has been really hard for me, though, to not be at home and helping my mom during this time, because I know this has been really difficult for her. I hate the feeling of not being able to do anything when I know that someone that I love is in need of help. And until a few days ago, I was missing Kenny, but it was bearable. With Thanksgiving coming up, though, I can hardly stand the fact that he isn't here and that I'm alone here without him. We have spent the last 2 Thanksgivings here in Texas, and though it was sad not being with our families, it was ok because we were together. I just have to keep telling myself, "you can do this, you can do this," because sometimes I need that reminder when it feels like the pain of his absence is going to suffocate me. I am very blessed to have some great friends who have very graciously invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner, and I don't know what I'd do without them and the rest of my Army family. I just hope I can hold it together all day and not burst into tears any time I think of Kenny. I've decided that I am going to spend a few weeks in Kentucky for Christmas this year. At least then I will be around my family, and that will help a lot if I start feeling depressed. It is so funny how I can go along like I'm doing ok, but as soon as I talk to my mom, there is no way to stop the tears from flowing!

I would probably be handling all this better, though, if it weren't for the fact that I've come down with a virus of some kind that is pretty much the flu. I haven't felt this sick in a long time, and I hate it. I start reading about my symptoms online, too, and then I think I'm probably dying, which causes me to have an almost panic attack at the doctor's office today. I guess you could say that I'm a mess right now, emotionally and physically, but that I know things will get better with time. Well, that is all for now. Hopefully my next post will be a happier one. Hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful Thanksgiving, and remember, even if your family annoys you, it is still a blessing if you can be with them for the holiday! Take care everyone, E

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